To-day an eventful life – to-day an experience that was worth all these years of devotion and effort – I found a person who believes in my work. He calls it The Work – The Cause – Saying it was bigger than one person – bigger than me, that I just was an instrument. I could and do rejoice – sees this work the great thing – not me – only so can it live and go on – where the person is excluded, where it becomes the property of man – what it has taken all these years in me to form and of which I hardly dare speak, he tells me, he mentions it. He sees the difference, he understands. Wants my work to have a definite name – organize it – yes, I believe I now can do it, these last few months show me the way how and from where to begin. He spoke of how I wasted much time and effort, but I told him it was not wasted, that with the knowing and not groping I was becoming more concise, more sure, more certain, that these years of groping were necessary to have arrived at this point. —–
He says I reach people emotionally and not intellectually, I could kiss him for this, he thought he may hurt me and I know of no greater compliment to be paid, this is just what I wanted, I cannot reach these people intellectually first. It must be emotionally, then to keep them and have them grow, I reach their mind. To keep this work going, only the mind degrees and not the emotions AND the mind dictates if they should believe it or not.
Body awareness is mind awareness. Only emotion and it soon would die, live by impulses, but with the unity of all, we live.
He also told me, I was coming into a new era. I was now a woman, dignified, big, sure, born for big things, he believes this. —- Have I tried moving mole hills and steadily plodded my course, now I feel I can tackle bigger things.
I know what I want to do, I know I shall devote all my years to this, I have no other path, no other choice but now I have others who want to tread it with me. —-Now where there was one, there are two, then three, then four and now more and more and people who have ideals and hopes, not decayed and morose
He also said I still had to become bigger, that there was still much smallness in me, that my love for beings must become larger, less selfish.
Hellmuth, Howard, Koncaad [sp], three great factors in my life, 3 kind, good men, three men in whom truly there is the spirit of Christ. How can I but be anything but desirous of working and building. That the greatest faith and encouragement should come to me from men. —-
Here I sit in my school, alone the quiet in me is a deep happiness A fulfilled hour. These three will go with me forever for their contributions, it is truly a Festival hour in me. I am rich, rich beyond understanding. For Howard and me a better XMas, I only hope, sincerely hope, that as time grows a great understanding between these two men will grow too. Both are superior to me in countless ways, both are such help in the work. Both are so needed.
We talked all afternoon about the work I was amazed and stunned and only pray it lasts. —– I will work and grow that way.
Yesterday the idea for a children’s Summer Retreat grew, that I want to work out and a program explaining our work. —– An important point he brought out, was that my work resembled the natural movements of daily life that is the continuous flow from one to another. He asks me many many questions. ——
Anne Rudolph 