Wednesday December 14, 1938

Am I believing myself that I am discontinuing to worry?  I am afraid I am not getting rid of this companion so easy.  It is perfectly natural that classes would not be so heavily attended, and I should not worry, but where do we pay expenses with? At least I must make some kind of arrangements by which we can keep track of our schedules, many just come a few times, discontinue, and do not pay. Although I am aware of this I cannot alter it alone. Students also must sign up for a longer term, maybe in the beginning a 3 months term, later on pay by the month. This of course can only be done if we have a large attendance.

I have already used 100.00 of Father’s money, which I meant to use for the magazine. If I hadn’t had Fathers money, I would have been doomed.

Our school has been redecorated,  I am now beginning to enjoy it. My contact with the students is growing deeper and the work is taking on a definite form, I am soon possibly to make an outline how to work. It is good that I found out that things to be good, must grow.

Here as a green beginner I wanted a definite system by which to work and now after 12 years am I finding at last a pole on which to hang.  I have been very happy this week, at last I saw with my own eyes the truth in this work.  Saw something I have never seen anywhere before.  Something for which to work was good.

Also have a plan by which to so simplify the work, so that it can easily be taught.  I don’t want 4 disciples as I thought I had last year, I want legions. I must bring the truth home to everyone, they must be their own teachers.  Oh what a future, what possibilities do I see ahead?  We can be real helpers to all people and to all progressive thought.  How much can we care – how little does one need – The Slums, these awful abodes in which humans exist would be easier abolished through education, than through any man made laws.  Youth would have a goal, an ideal, an outlet for its energies and its strength. Education is needed.  Women and Men would understand each other better.  I see a glorious future, be that we are educated as humans.

I have had much inspiration from a source I least expected and I am still hoping with all my heart it continues.  I cannot and dare not face the individual desire to be part of this movement.  It must come from them themselves,  they must want it.  and here is a young man who not only sees the need for this work but wants to help:  George Storm. We have had endless discussions about the work, he now is ever working with me.  Physically & mentally he is brilliantly equipped to be a leader and teacher.  He is strong, self reliant and what is more important than anything else confides in himself. I have listened with mingled feelings to his talks.  This work that should enthuse every living being was so poorly represented by people during this last century that it is the forgotten art of man, how tragic – we live in this body and are so far away from understanding its simplicity its beauty, its magnificent construction, its marvel of creative endeavour.  Rich gift left untouched till time comes and prematurely destroys what never had a chance to bloom and speed of its light and beauty into others.

It fills one with infinite sadness to see this wealth abused and thrown aside – valuable life destroyed

Should this continue – no – the 20th Century must rediscover the body and to help must be one goal.

I am rearranging the window downstairs, I had two inquiries and one new student from it, but I had a purpose in arranging the window as I did.

In this building daily several hundred young girls enter, ranging from 18 up, and some below.  What wondered me was now, why didn’t they inquire about this work?  I asked myself many reasons.  Surely Motion is tempting, surely we do not look static, anything like other schools have to offer.  These months I have looked upon that window as my organ to impart information, I have changed it every month even oftener, I have done everything. I know we have had new students from every window but always the more mature. So this time I set about planning to address them directly. I wrote one paragraph on before 20, and from then on, all my writing was directed towards them, I even lowered the rate by 50%, thinking maybe money is lacking. (They all look well dressed that enter the bldg.) I even scolded them a little, showed pictures how we work out of doors.

To no avail. I am changing the window – and will continue trying in another manner.

Back to George Storm. Three people have been an inspiration of all the thousands I have met – Howard for his unending patience belief and faith, his undying devotion and help.  For putting all his personal demand on me in the background. He was my steady source of inspiration then. 2 years ago on a trip with Howard to the Smokies – we stayed overnight in a Tourist Cabin. It was not very late, but I was tired, so I retired.  Howard was outside, had taken a walk and I heard him chatting with a woman, the wife of the owner: She inquired about me I heard her distinctly ask: “Doctor, what does the young lady do? Because she has a look on her face, that is very spiritual and whatever she does, she loves to do.” There doctor told her I was a teacher of Body Education, which did not mean much to her, he told her how hard I worked, that he always had to get me out by force to avoid a breakdown and that we were on a trip to recuperate.  He was very sympathetic, I felt like crying.  But she answered: “She works hard and loves it, that’s all that matters.”  I lay on that bed stunned, I had to come to the Smokies in a wayside Tourist Camp to hear from a simple old woman through the window a word of encouragement.

Every one here asked me not how the work was growing, but how many students do we have, how much money do we make, this nauseated me and often made me resentful – Even today, where I oftener hear words of encouragement, someone will ask how many students we have.  I tell them I do not know, as we do not count them, are glad they are here. I really don’t know sometimes we are very many, too many, sometimes 3 and 4 and less.  Well each kind is nice. And now this man. He heard I wanted curtains, he brought us some.  Beautiful black velvet curtains that cover one whole window.  He saw my collection of books then told me he had two out in the country who would think of buying such books. He has brought me many books, he brings ideas, he helps me with my pictures, he drives me to write down my ideas, had to promise to keep a note book for spontaneous thoughts, he even suggested having a stereograph so that I needn’t write but dictate and of all things today I have my first dictation Monday morning.

Mr. Storm came in, we talked again about the work, he helped me with the hanging of the curtains, when a young woman came in and asked for a job.  She is from out of town, Indianapolis.  Dawn.  I told her I trained my own assistants but what else could she do?  Do Stereography? Yes.  I immediately felt I may be able to use her.  Mr. Storm was taken into the matter.  He helped me interview her.  She told us she and her sister left home with enough money for train fare and staying a few days without work..  It was Monday, she had lived on a dollar from Friday to Monday, had enough left for one meal.  I called up Mrs. Singer if she could use a maid, send the girl over.  I asked her why she didn’t try nightclub work, she didn’t want that, she wanted the Artistic Dance.  Well if she is willing to do anything to earn her bread and proves good material I will help her.  I gave her 50 cents on account and made arrangements for her to do some work for me.  .35 cents  an hour.  I think that is very cheap, but Mr. Storm tells me that he pays that to a girl who comes from an unemployment agency. So it seems one thing works into the other. I don’t know yet what I shall talk about, but there are articles that should be under way.  Publicity to be taken care of.  Plans made for our League Hundred and other things to be done: write to Germany, get presents ready.  Letter yesterday – Mrs. Dribleiu [sp?] died.  What will he do without her, Where she helped him?  It’s hard.  Must stop now, am going to the Psychiatric Luncheon, hate to leave but must, I know it will be worth it.

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